Talking blah blah blah

LET ME SAY | When it is not easy, it is not.

Finally I came back to Singapore working with the same company as last time.

After I left the company in December 2015, things have been so complicated. Many changes happened in both good and bad way. I’d been traveling back and forth between Singapore and Thailand almost every three months before this final decision.

Why did I decide to come back? It was such a difficult decision to make. As an artist, there is no doubts it was the right decision. However, as a yoga teacher (as how people call me), as one of directors of my family’s businesses in my country, and as a buddhist disciple who (thought she) was ready to follow buddha’s path, this was the most stupid decision one could make. But there are many roles we need to play. Questions rise. How many of them are conflicting with the others. And how legitimate it was to prioritize one over the others?

Well, if I put it this way, it may sound more legit for every role I am playing. This company is distinct from other dance companies I know. It does not train me to be a better dancer, but to be a better artist with a well balanced of enough pressure and enough space for creativity. The most important thing that is a tipping point which brought me back here was its outreach programs.

Since young, I have felt the urge of making the art I do useful. I had a plan to do MA in dance therapy but until now I haven’t had a chance to pursue that dream. However, one of the main works we do in this company forced me to research more in how to use art, dance, movement, and creativity for therapeutic purpose. We call it ‘elderly program’ and recently, I have been very into it. We are doing research on how can we use dance to engage both physical and mental aspect of elderly people. Our assumption is that dance requires coordination of different body parts which in turn stimulates activities in a brain. And to inspire elderly people to dance, imaginary and creativity which fall under mental aspect come to play an important role. It is the doing the movements with some clear goal in mind that really helps elderly people as a whole person, not only physical body. We try not to just reach hands up and bring them down ten times, but to have a high cloth hanging rod in mind and the wanting to hang our clothes on it with a glimpse of joy from accompanied music and dance making elements that engage both body and mind.

Like movements session for elderly, I believe we should live our lives with clear goals in mind and have fun with whatever we are doing. Now I have completed my second month in the same company. To be honest, the latter has not quite been achieved yet. This also due to my worry for my other responsibilities in my home town too. My life as an artist would be easier and more fluid if I could ride on the momentum of work with out having to think about my works in another country. But well, it is family’s businesses and for my yoga studio, I have promised, I’d not quit.

Working in two countries sounds too adventurous for me. I am not excited about it. It is tiring. Nevertheless, I think the best thing I can do for now is find the meanings of every work I have to do and really believe in them as they are fuel for me to run this mental engine. I can work, be it art, business, or yoga, as long as I know they are meaningful. As long as I feel my life exists for a purpose.


COMPANY RHS | Cover / Uncover

Today our company worked about covering and uncovering.

We just used scarf, jacket to cover a friend and a friend uncovered herself. Then took turn.

After that we shared about the feeling we had towards the word covering and being covered;

Me : Being covered = I felt safe. Cover come one = I felt love.

My partner : Being covered = She felt struggling. Covering me = She felt sorry for me.

So funny as we danced together. Same movement, but completely different feeling.

One Japanese dancer performed a movement of covering someone like making a nice packaging of something.

That made me think of how Japanese people like to wrap the products nicely, sometimes overly too nice.

She shared with us that Japanese wrapping things nicely was because they wanted the receivers to feel good.

I had a feeling that it was the same as Japanese people themselves.

Sometimes they wrap themselves very nicely with a lot of rules in their cultures cause they want other people to feel good.

There’s nothing good or bad about this. It is just my observation.

The rehearsal was fun though.

Picture for the photo shoot tomorrow. Not about this blog though. :)

Picture for the photo shoot tomorrow. Not about this blog though. 🙂

LET ME SAY | Words for every dancer

One of the fresh graduated dancer in a company I am working with now is having trouble. Being a dance student is much different from being a professional dancer in a company. This is true not only in a dance career. In a school, you pay for people to look at you and teach you. In a company, you are paid for doing a good job and learning by yourself as fast as possible.

She doesn’t understand this. She has a student attitude and we have given her almost a year already. In an appraisal she still had a lot of invalid excuses. My director decided to give her one last chance until end of the year for her to climb up to the professional level of mind. However, at the end of the day she asked the director whether she could dyer her hair in red color. Absolutely wrong timing. Not surprising that the director was upset even more but she let her do whatever she wanted.

That night she texted me that she wanted to leave after this last probation period. She said,

‘Sometimes doing ones best isn’t enough to keep you going, not anymore’.

I knew that it was hard for her to continue here too as the director didn’t like her. But personally I didn’t like that idea. She thought she had done the best but I could see that she didn’t know what the best looked like. So I answered her,

‘Haha you never know that the word BEST has no ceiling.’

She said,

‘When the ceiling crashed there’s no point pursuing for the best.’

I could tell that she didn’t understand what I tried to say.

So I sent her all these messages. (Sorry for wrong typing and wrong grammar.)


(PS I wrote it from my experiences. All the ups and downs in my dance career. Please give me advice if you don’t agree or have any feedback. With much thanks.)

She didn’t say anything after that. I wondered she went to cry or blame someone else about her problem or blame herself for choosing me to talk with. I didn’t care. I went to bed after that not waiting for her reply.

We came back to the studio 2 days later. She was there already getting ready for the class and rehearsal. She talked less and worked hard. I was happy to see that. In this way, although she can’t pass this last probation, all the works she is working on will make her a better dancer, the best she can be. People need to be slapped on the face sometimes. I call it a wake up call.

Most surprisingly, I found my words have an effect on me too. I also work much harder. Thanks to her to provide a chance for myself to slap my own face. 🙂


LET ME SAY | Here on the root~top

There’s a tree. The tree has many branches. Each branch has many leaves, flowers, and seeds. I create my work from a seed I get from some trees and I grow my tree. And the tree grow up with a lot of branches. Each branch has many leaves, flowers, seeds. Someone may take the leave, flower, or seed to create something ..or not. That doesn’t matter. 🙂

I decided to create a blog to share something here. Bit by bit. This blog is about arts in many forms. It may be my dance project I am working on. My drawings. My photos. My poems which are 80% in Thai and 20% in English. Though the works are in different forms, and they are in many ways of communicating, they will all focus on people and their relationships to others, to themselves, and to the world, from my own perspective.

I am a Thai girl who is now living in Singapore. Working in a contemporary dance company. Be a dancer, be a teacher, teaching elderly people and kids. At the same time, be an arts teacher. Funnily, I didn’t know how to draw or do any arts work until I had to teach arts. Then I know, people are capable to do anything if there’s no judge. Also, I am a yoga student who happened to take a teacher training course and have had many chances to teach others and I can learn a lot from them. At the same time I am trying to find the secret connection which links energy with breath using my opportunity as a contemporary dancer to do some research on it.

But why is this important to you? Why do you want to spend some time checking what I share? Well, I can’t promise that you’ll like it. However, I have made a decision to share cause I am a true believer of sharing and inspiring. This is what I believe : “Many souls, many ways to communicate. You may find your way in others’ souls. You may find your soul in others’ ways.” Life is journey. We walk our own path but we will never walk alone. We are creating our ways to walk on, and someone is building one’s road not very far from us. We are all everyone’s companions.

No one can create out of nothing. It must start with something. If there’s no seed, how can the tree exist? I took seeds from many people. And here are my trees. Without I knowing it, my trees may yield some seeds for others. That doesn’t mean my works are good. But it can mean that they are so bad that someone cannot take it and need to do something better. And if you have some spare time, please kindly leave your feedback in the comment box. I am a traveller and I need a map sometimes. From where you stand, you may see things clearer and please share that with me too. And I will super duper appreciate.

That’s all for the first blog. I hope you come back here again.