When I look at my life right now, I feel useless.
And when I look at myself in the mirror, I feel disgusted.
Is that me?
I can find happiness all around me but not within me.
I am not myself and that is the hole in the basket.
I can’t be myself.
I can’t speak my language.
I can’t express the way I believe.
I smile for the things I’m not enjoying.
I cry over non-sense thing in other’s eyes.
I laugh just because it’s odd not to laugh at that moment.
I cheerfully talk just to kill the silence and awkwardness.
This is painful.
I am trying very hard to fit into this place.
And to take every possible opportunity to be so many things I think I can transform myself into.
But more and more I realize.. I can’t stop being me.
It’s not a choice. It’s not an option.
I really can’t
I may fill the basket with many good things and opportunities.
But the hole of not being myself is there
And the basket will aways be empty.
It’s such a big hole.